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Sunday 21st July, 2019

Bizarre Thought for the Week, w/c 23rd December 2002
Author:
Tony Dobson

Hi all,
I'm reluctant to discuss work in these thoughts any more (as most of you will have already realised), but it was our departmental Christmas lunch last week, and I actually enjoyed myself this time. It is worth detailing though, just please forgive the absence of names.

As per usual we left the office reasonably early. After a few drinks in a local bar we moved on to where we were actually having the meal. A very nice bar in the centre of Glasgow which catered for Christmas office lunches, but very quiet when we got there. Thanks to one of my workmates it didn't remain that way for long.

As we're only a small department we group together with a few other small departments and all go for lunch together. So with about fifteen of us around our table it became time for my aforementioned colleague to set off on an impromptu comedy routine that would make eating difficult. This comprised:

1) Mentioning to one of the other attendees that he saw her in her office one day when she had a bogey visible from her nose, and that when he saw it his first thought was, "Way-hay, bungee!!!"
2) Commenting on one person's appearance by saying that he "Could pick up Real Madrid games on those ears." While I was cracking up the person opposite and to the left of me was looking around the room for a television. He hadn't heard my collegue properly and was looking around the premises to see where the non-existent game was being shown.
3) Giving a demonstration of how he has seen people dance in various clubs in Ayrshire. Unfortunately words alone don't do this justice, but if you can picture a guy moving his arms about in-and-out, and then up-and-down while saying, "Big box, wee box, big box, wee box...", then cupping his hands and saying, "Big fish, wee fish, big fish, wee fish..." This was followed by the Coup de Grace, "This is the dynamic one." Hands in, hands out, "In the box, out the box, in the box, out the box..."

With it being Christmas I decided to go for the Christmas Pudding dessert option. Just as well, as those people who picked the Lemon Soufflet had a major problem. There were shaped like Lemons (erm, that's the Soufflets, not any of my colleagues), and they looked inviting. Of course a dessert can look as inviting as you like, but if you can't get a spoon into it then it will be very quickly renamed a "Lemon Grenade" by everyone present.

(Or as they apparently say in the forces... incoming!!!)

Have a good Christmas week!
Tony

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