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Sunday 18th April, 2021

Bizarre Thought for the Week, w/c 10th September 2001
Neil Taylor

Neil Taylor, best man.
Neil Taylor, best man.
Hi all,
This week, Neil Taylor's speech from a certain person's wedding...


When Tony first asked me to be his Best Man I was naturally quite honoured. I mean, I was more than happy to step in and help him out, and it sounded quite straight-forward:

- Get the groom to the Church on time.
- Don't forget the rings (of course I haven't).
- Make a funny and witty speech about the Groom. That's the tricky bit!

Then of course Tony told me I'd be wearing a kilt, at which point my jaw completely dropped.

Well I have to say so far it has not been so bad, well apart from this sporran but maybe I won't go into that! In fact we went to try the kilts on yesterday, and as Tony will probably tell you it was quite an amusing experience. I have to say I now know how many Englishman it takes to put a kilt on!

Although I've also found out the secret of what a Scotsman wears under his kilt. I'm not telling you what I've got under mine!

Certainly looking back to ten years ago when I first met Tony I never imagined I should be standing here, wishing him and his wife well on their wedding day. I actually first met Tony in a Maths class, of all places, at Horndean School. At first I thought he was just one of those people who was sitting next to me in order to steal the answers, although if he was sitting next to me for that reason I don't know why he was sitting there.

Anyway he must have been an alright guy, as we ended up going to Havant College. And of course at Havant College I ended up sharing a locker with the chap. And it was then I realised how much of a sports fanatic he is. I mean he likes Football, Motor Racing, American Football, Baseball, the list goes on. I particularly remember when we used to go and play Pitch 'n' Putt in Southsea, and we used to turn up there and he was the only person that used to turn up with a complete set of Golf clubs. And the funniest bit was he always had a little cloth in which to clean the ball with as well.

Mind you many of our lunchtimes were usually quite memorable. We used to spend them in the local Meridian Centre. It was a great place this, it never had any shops in it! Although Tony's favourite shop had to be John Menzies, where what he would usually do would walk in there around about lunchtime, pick a magazine up, read it for half an hour, put it back down, and walk out of the shop.

Anyway, when we both moved away to University I think we lost touch a little bit, and it came as a bit of a shock when Tony decided to move to Scotland. However, a few years later I got the chance to actually come and visit him in Scotland at the time he had started going out with Lorraine, and I got to meet Lorraine and get to know here a little bit better and also some of the great friends he's met since he's been up here. In fact I had such a good time with keyboard singalongs and various practical jokes we played on one another that I've been coming back just about every year since.

Mind you this time round it's been a slightly different trip. Usually I play the taxi driver and end up having to take Lorraine shopping, which I can tell you in an experience because usually you have to go around about four different sets of shopping centres [chuckles to himself]. However this time when I turned up the first thing I had to do was construct a bed! And it wasn't until I'd done that I actually managed to get a cup of coffee.

Well actually I'm usually the one that ends up being the one that everyone chuckles at. I mean Tony will never let me forget the time I got completely lost in Dumfries and Galloway when I was sightseeing with Lorraine. I don't know why Lorraine's laughing because she was map reading!

In fact when I usually plant a practical joke it usually backfires, like the time that I tried to drive off from the supermarket and ended up driving into the recycling centre.

Obviously there are a lot more stories I could tell, but as I cruise very easily perhaps I won't as Tony might kick me. Anyway, I'm so pleased that Tony has found such a great person as Lorraine to get married to, and it has been great getting to know them even better since they've been in Scotland over the last three or four years. And I have to say that Lorraine that you look very nice today as well.

So all that really leaves me to say is can you please raise your glasses and raise a toast to the Bride and Groom.


Have a good week!

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